I don't know if any of you noticed the change in the title of this blog or not, but if you didn't...it did. I felt the need to change because that phrase is where my heart is right now. Have you ever felt like you were on the verge of something big, huge, ginormous? Well, I have felt that way for the past year or so. It is a routine thing in my walk with the Lord where I catch glimpses of what's "going to be." I am a very visual person and since the Lord knows me so well, He speaks to me in pictures. The pictures are of real people I know, or a specific situation or event in time, or He gives me symbolic pictures and later gives specific meanings to those pictures. He has even given prophetic words to people I don't know, or hardly know, about these images to encourage me that I am where He wants me to be. Anyway, for the past 12-18 months I have been collecting and praying through many different pictures that He has given me. So as you can imagine, I'm ready for this next step. I'm ready for the will and plans of God to come to fruition. I know, I know...patience Justin...His timing is perfect. I do know this. I've been praying for patience over and over for the past year, but I'm in desperate need of a step (not trying to steal from you Annie, I promise). I need a step forward. Even if it is half a step. Even if I step forward and fall on my buttocks; it would still be forward motion. I would be satisfied with a slip and fall. Does that make sense? This past week at cell group Tom led a discussion on his sermon from this past Sunday on the Parable of the Talents. The gist of this parable is that we need to be faithful with what talents the Master has given us. Because if not, we will be going to H-E-double hockey sticks. It says in Matthew 25 that whoever is faithful with a little will be given more, and so on and so on.
As I sat in cell group and thought about what was being discussed, I wondered which one I was in this passage. Each servant in this passage was given a different amount of talents "according to their own ability." One got 5, another got 2, and still another only got 1. You have to assume that the Master knew that the servant whom He only gave 1 talent to would mess up! That's why He only gave him 1, right?! Anyway, I don't want to make myself out to be nothing but I'm not sure I would be the one to get 5 talents. Am I being faithful with where I'm at? Have I missed opportunities to step forward? Maybe. Have I not obeyed His prompting and missed an open door to step forward? Am I not risking enough out of fear of failing? Possibly. Or maybe I'm completely missing the boat and I HAVE been faithful with the "talents" He has given me. Maybe this past year and a half has truly been a preparation for the next step that I will hopefully take in the somewhat near future. I need help, am I being too hard on myself?! I mean I have had the opportunity to share what I learned in London with the different worship teams at RIverstone and Stonebridge, and the Lord is blessing me with opportunities to lead worship (cell group, Scotland Youth Camp). Plus, I have this blog avenue (blavenue) where I can throw out ideas on worship (and life) that the Lord is showing me! So maybe I am being too hard on myself. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly thankful for the opportunities I have been given. But the thing I can't get away from are those pictures in my mind that He gives me at the most random of times. These pictures I alluded to earlier are ones of complete freedom and joy, where I am in step with the Lord's purpose and plans for my life. I want that!
I was talking with Clay Kirkland one day about 4 or 5 months ago about this same thing. As he was praying for me he felt as if the Lord as imparted into me a heart similar to David's. But then he shared this fact, after David was anointed king he went back out into the fields and tended the sheep/animals for 13 years before he became king. I thought, "Huh, I'm a vet that tends to animals...that's odd." I just hope I don't have to wait another 12 years, but if so, then in 12 years from now it is going to be so GOOD!
Grace and peace.